Epic Mum Fail!

So I was chatting with a friend this morning about mothering techniques and we were laughing about the mistakes we’ve made over the years, when I remembered the horror of this… epic mum fail! 🥴

To give you a background history: my girls must’ve been 13, 8 and 2 around the time of my story, and Debbie used to fight with her older sister Becca all the time. It drove me crazy!! Though Becca was older by 5 years, Debbie was crazy competitive. So you see problems brewing immediately, right? Everything her older sister did/played/took/ate/watched/wore was the exact thing she wanted to do at that very moment. And you have to remember, though Debbie was pint-sized, she reigned queen, because Becca the gentler one, usually gave in before the fight became physical. Believe me, I can remember tiny D chasing B around our apartment with a fairy wand, till an adult intervened. Finally we decided it would be prudent to confiscate the wand and never give it back!

Now my story begins on a relaxed Saturday when I heard blood-curling screams from the living room and it literally was like a Tom and Jerry cartoon unfolding in front of me. The sounds of the words “fool” and “dumbo” reverberated from the ceiling, and I could feel steam rising off the top of my head. I had to put an end to this nonsense for my sanity. So I did my usual mum yell – and got the three of them – yes, all three (not sure why I had little Abi in there too) to sit on the sofa. “Well now,” I thought, “let’s put an end to this once and for all. I will be a good mum and teach them a little Bible lesson here about God and hell.”

So I pulled out my Bible and sternly read this verse very slowly. But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother (‘or sister’ was quickly inserted by me) will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will go to the hell of fire. Mathew 5:22

I read the verse a few times slowly and loudly to get the message across.

Me: *You WILL go to hell if you call your sister a fool, girls. It says so right here in the Bible. And mind you, everyone on earth is your brother and sister. No one here wants to go to hell right? Right?

And I saw three small heads nodding in agreement.  

Me: Well then, I don’t want any more fighting okay? Say sorry to each other and let’s have hugs all around.

That took care of that, and peace reigned supreme in the house. “Wow!” I thought. “I am good. I’m a good good mother. Taught them a lesson and got a Bible study in as well. I really should get a prize.” So mentally patting myself on the back, I took them all out for ice-cream. And with ice-creams in hand, we made a quick stop at the gas station car wash, where there was a long line-up of cars. Oh well! Still in the glow of my great parenting move for peace and harmony, I started a little sing-a-long in the car and did not quite notice another car quietly inching in front of me. And just as I was moving forward, this annoying person cut right in front of me so fast that I had to slam the brakes to avoid an accident! What? The cheek of this guy!!! So, without any hesitation, I rolled my window down, leaned right out and yelled on top of my voice, “You fool!”

I think the whole world went absolutely quiet at that moment. And the only sound I could hear was that of three children rolling over with laughter in the back seat of the car and yelling, “Mum, called “her brother” a fool!! She’s going to hell!! Mum, called “her brother” a fool!! She’s going to hell!!”

All the way back home – and then forever more!! Sigh!

#epicmumfail #tbt

(*Sadly, the truth of that Bible verse was bent out of shape to accommodate the situation. Rookie Bible teacher wannabe mistake!! ☺️)